


Mondays are the worst

by wineandsoju



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Allusion to depression, Angst, Character Death, Other, im sorry renjun, jisung needs help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 11:50:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15640176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wineandsoju/pseuds/wineandsoju
Summary: For the past few months, Jisung has felt cold and empty, most especially on Mondays.In which Jisung just misses his Renjun hyung.





	Mondays are the worst

**Author's Note:**

> in fulfilment of [this prompt](https://curiouscat.me/renjisung/post/553606018) sent by a cc anon.  
> i'm not really good with angst, but i hope you'll appreciate this.

Nothing ever goes right on a Monday.

 

Jisung wakes up late,  _ again.  _ It's been like this for the past few months. He just doesn't feel like leaving his bed when it's the only thing that gives him the warmth that he needs. He'd rather spend the day under his blankets. He stares at the ceiling, letting his thoughts consume him.

 

_ Ah, there it is again. _

 

He tosses and turns. He just wants to go back to sleep, god damn it. But it's too cold outside, so cold that the warmth in his room is gradually seeping away. He wants to be alone, but his invasive thoughts won't let him be.

 

"Jisung, it's time to wake up," Jeno calls from outside the room. "Breakfast's getting cold."

 

He waits a minute or two before reluctantly slipping from under his covers.

 

"Seriously, I don't get why he still bothers to set his alarm when he just ignores it," he hears Jaemin's angry whispers.

 

"Shhh. He might hear you," Jeno scolds.

 

"I don't care. He. Doesn't. Even. Turn. Off. The. Snooze. Option."

 

Jisung doesn't make his presence known to the two, heading to the fridge immediately. He opens the door and stares at its contents. Nothing really seems appetizing to him. He closes the door and heads for the shower when Jeno stops him.

 

"There's food on the table, Jisung," he says. "Don't skip breakfast again. We have a long day," the concern in his voice is obvious.

 

"I don't really feel like it," the younger boy shrugs. "Do we have coffee, though?"

 

"Stop doing this to yourself, Jisung," now it's Jaemin's turn to be worried.

 

"Doing what? I'm fucking fine, hyung," he insists.

 

"Are you sure?" the others ask.

 

"I am. Just dandy," he repeats.

 

_ But he isn't. _

 

Mondays are the worst.

It's when their schedule is full, and they can't even take a breather in between commitments. They barely even have time to eat. Everyone is buzzing about, when some members are getting their hair and makeup done, the others were at costume fitting or doing live broadcasts. Everyone has something to do, and there isn't any time left for pleasure. Jisung doesn't mind, however, because busy days mean a busy mind. There's no space left for him to think about anything else but work.

 

Thing is, even work reminds Jisung of  _ him. _

 

He gets scolded over and over. He's spaced out several times in different engagements, and it isn't even midday yet. He repeatedly assures the others that  _ he's fine _ , but they still keep on asking whether he really is. It gets frustrating by the end of their third appointment.

 

"I'm just here if you need to talk," this time it's Taeyong talking to him. "You sure you're fine, though?"

 

"Hyung, you can keep asking the same question, and you will get the same answer from me. I'm alright. I'm fine. I'm  _ super _ ," he says for the sixteenth time today. 

 

_ He still isn't. _

 

Jisung also skips lunch.  _ I have no appetite,  _ was his excuse. He told the older guys he's full from all the coffee he downed throughout the day. He's off to grab another cup of coffee from a staff member when someone hands him a sandwich instead.

 

"Stop doing this to yourself," it's Taeyong again. 

 

_ And that's when it hits him. _

 

Everything goes black.

 

xxxxx

 

_ Mondays were the best. _

 

_ Jisung used to love Mondays because their schedule was full. They were full of energy. Everyone had something to do. Sure, they didn't have much time to take a break, but it meant they were all moving forward. At least they were active. At least they got to spent the entire day together, as a whole. At least he was there. _

 

_ He loved getting up in the morning. His bed was suffocating. He couldn't wait to jump out of it and start his day. It was always warmer outside of his room anyway. He was always ready to enjoy breakfast with the Dream members, even when they get too noisy at the table. He sometimes even joined in on the early morning debates featuring Jaemin and Jeno, with Chenle laughing at the sidelines. _

 

_ He hated coffee. He always veered away from it because someone called it "artificial energy" once. He said Jisung was better off eating apples to help him keep awake on busy Mondays. Jisung liked that. He preferred the sweetness of the fruit over the bitterness of the coffee. _

 

_ He rarely skipped his meals. Someone always worried for him. He often told Jisung that he was getting too thin, even though his cheeks were fat. The other boy had always looked much thinner than him anyway. On busy days, he always had someone giving him a snack when he forgets to eat. _

 

_ Renjun always looked out for him. _

 

xxxxx

 

"Renjun hyung," Jisung's throat is coarse. "It's cold," he complains. He expects a soft voice to soothe him, to warm him up. " _ It's too cold _ ," he reiterates.

 

"Jisung! Are you okay? Oh, thank god you're awake. Are you fine?" a panicked voice calls out to him instead.

 

"Renjun hyung," the words almost choke him, "he's gone, hyung… Taeyong hyung, he's gone."

 

He's shaking now. It was cold,  _ too cold,  _ and the layer of blankets wrapped around him weren't enough to keep him warm. A sob escapes his mouth.

 

_ It all comes crashing down. _

 

Silent tears fall from his eyes and suddenly he's engulfed by grief.

 

_ He's really gone. _

 

He holds his breath. He tries to stop the tears from falling, but everything's blurry now.

 

Taeyong hums and pulls him into a hug, whispering, "It's okay to cry, Jisung. Let it all out. You've waited long enough."

 

"But he's never coming back," his words are entangled in his sobs. "He's never..."

 

"I know, Jisung.  _ We  _ know. It's been hard on you. Get some rest first. You need it."

 

"I'm sorry, hyung," his guilt mixes with his anguish, "I'm sorry."

 

"It's not your fault," the older wipes his tears. "It never was."

 

xxxxx

 

_ Nothing ever goes right on a Monday. _

 

_ "Jisung, you forgot to eat lunch again," Renjun scolded him. _

 

_ "It's fine, hyung. I'll just grab some coffee or something," he waved the other off. _

 

_ "No, it's okay. I don't have anything scheduled for the next hour. I'll go grab something with the manager. What do you want?" _

 

_ "Anything, really. Not too hungry. Ah, maybe some pizza? I've been craving since Saturday." _

 

_ "Ah, but the nearest pizza parlor is 20 minutes away by foot. Fine, I'll have hyung drive us there then." _

 

_ "Be careful on your way there, hyung!" he called out to the older boy who's already grabbed his coat. _

 

_ "I will! Later!" he bid goodbye. _

 

_ Jisung didn't hear it himself. Someone else told him about the screeching and sounds of metal crashing into metal just around the corner. He barely had time to process what he had just heard when he heard sirens blasting around him. It takes him a couple of minutes to understand what was happening when one of their managers announced that all other schedules for the day were cancelled. _

 

_ Jisung didn't understand.  _

 

_ The TV in the breakroom takes him out of his trance. _

 

**_BREAKING NEWS_ **

 

_ The words flashed on the screen for a few seconds before the announcer reported: _

 

_ "It is with sorrow that we are sharing this piece of news with you today. This Monday afternoon, 6th August 2018, Huang Renjun, member of idol group NCT, has passed away. He went out with a manager in their company van, but on their way back to his official schedule, their van was hit by an oncoming bus at an intersection. The bus was said to have run a red light. Neither of the passengers in the van survived. Mr. Huang's company is expected to make a statement about the tragic accident soon." _

 

xxxxx

 

"It was never your fault, Jisung," Taeyong assures him another time.

 

"But—"

 

"It was an accident. Nobody could have prevented it."

 

_ Jisung thinks otherwise. _

 

Nothing ever goes right on a Monday.


End file.
